Who the hell names their child Andruw? April 19, 2008

I went to the Braves game last night.  Can I tell you how much I love Turner Field?  It’s my favorite place on Earth…my happy place.  If cotton candy didn’t cost 5 bucks it might even be heaven.  But I’m pretty sure that cotton candy is free in heaven.  It may even be what the clouds are made out of up there.  You just sit right down on a big fluff ball of cotton candy, get comfy, and slowly eat your chair…oh-take me now, Lord.

okay…back to reality.  I was saddened in my heart when Andruw Jones went to bat and I heard the crowd boo.  (For non-baseball fans, Andruw was an outfielder for the braves last year and was traded to the Dodgers this year.)  Hey Atlanta-you should feel bad for Andy for serveral reasons.  The following are the top three reasons to feel bad for Andruw Jones;

3.  He got traded because he wasn’t doing us any good.  He had to up-root his life and move to California because he wasn’t worth paying extra money to keep around. 

2.  He was booed last weekend in LA by the Dodgers fans and then Booed this weekend by the Braves Fans…he’s danged if he does and danged if he doesn’t.

1.  His first name is Andruw.  As an African American man playing a game where he is the minority, he is faced not only with being different physically…but being named Andruw to boot all.  I mean, who in the world names their kid Andruw anyway?  Did his mother hate him?  I mean, she gave him an easy name with a stupid spelling, so his entire life people are like,

“Hey man, what’s your name?”

“Andruw…with a u-w”

How embarrissing is that?  So Andruw Jones, hats off to you.  Good luck with your new club.  May you have success there, my friend.

 Kaitee

The Duck Whisperer April 9, 2008

FS: “Here you go. Go ahead and grab this guy right here.” (Farmer Sue hands Katie a duck.)KT: “Am I doing this right? I don’t want to hurt him.”FS: “Just grab him. You’ll be fine. “

KT: “Okay, I‘ll do it.” (Katie gently gets the duck from farmer sue and tries to pet it to calm it down. The duck goes crazy, flapping wings and quacking as Katie.)

“Shhh…it’s okay man, don’t worry…I’m a member of PETA.”

*Duck stops quacking, puts down wings and puts head on Katie’s shoulder.*

*All surrounding adults look at Katie like she’s crazy.*

  

 

The above is a true story that happened today at Farmer Sue’s in Canton.  This along with a 2nd grader who wanted to aid in a sheep giving birth.  (He was down in the dirt looking under and attempting to help when I caught him. )

I also met a chicken named Lucky.  She was named this because she fell off the truck on the way to become chicken nuggets.  She was found by the firemen and brought to the farm.  As I hung out with Lucky today (she is one of the only chickens I have heard of who like to be petted and held) I started thinking about vegitarianism again.  I went veg for a while but for some reason went back to eatting meat.  My fiance hates the idea of it.

What do you think, oh 9 readers?

the money-grubbing, victimizing bariatric surgery business…pt1 April 6, 2008

This is one of my best friends in the world. Her name is Cynthia. I call her Cyn.

 

She graduated college in East Tennessee just like me but chose to go to Los Angelus to pursue her dreams. She’s smart, she’s talented, and she’s driven. Did I mention she also has a “pretty face”?

She works for a…how shall I put it…“higher profile” family in LA. (Higher profile=could buy my life and still have enough money to fly to Monte Carlo for the weekend.) Her boss recently encouraged her to get lap band surgery.

So I get it…California is a little bit different than the good ole south. The industry is surface driven. I understand. I’ve been fighting those things since I started auditioning at age 7. My first question is, when did a size large become big enough to need bariatric surgery? Get real. And her boss said it would be great to get it just to lose 40 pounds or so. Next, why pay an average cost of $20,000 to lose that amount of weight. Couldn’t you just hire a trainer and not alter your body to the extreme of surgically modifying the size of your stomach?

Lately Cyn and I have been talking a lot about bariatric surgery so today I began to research it. I found out what it does, how much it costs, where you can get it…I’m pretty much a walking journal of bariatric goodness. Ready to know what the bottom line is? The secret to the million dollar business of bariatric surgery;

If you follow a diet…you will lose weight.

I’m going to pause here to give you a day or so to let that sink in. More to come soon on the reality of bariatric surgery.

the real Katie Carroll April 6, 2008

If you do a google image search of my name, this is what comes up.  Although there are similarities, I promise you this is not me. 

I have a dog.

“You have a beautiful face” April 6, 2008

The most common, most annoying phrase that every overweight woman hears is, “you have a pretty face.”

There is a strange phenomenon that occurs whenever someone says the phrase, “pretty face.” Although science has never actually been able to prove this occurrence, many have reported a change in the somewhere between the cerebellum going directly to the limbic system that actually turns the phrase being spoken (i.e. “pretty face”) into the not as flattering phrase, “fat ass.” Although there have been thousands of reports of this phenomena, the phrase is continually used, mainly to the overweight (and predominately female) population as some sort of complement. As if complementing the thinnest part on that person is not enough of a hint.

I’ve always had a “pretty face.” I remember my first diet in the fifth grade. I wanted to change as much as I could before middle school so that I could be like one of the mean girls. I wanted to rule the school, but that never seemed to happen. As I grew older I began to own my nerdy-ness, focusing on activities like theatre, show choir, and debate team. By the end of high school I would say I was the most popular weird-o in the school.

Being a weird-o never paid off in the romantic areas of life. I was invited to parties on the weekends and all, but I went to prom both years with guy friends. I remember watching the romantic couples dancing and thinking that, if I were thin that could have been me. I hated myself. I would go through cycles of over eating and starvation, and all the while, just gaining more weight.

I remember the first time a guy called me beautiful. I was a freshman in college. It seems like all my life I wanted this attention from guys and it all came in a flood during my college experience. I wish I could say all the of my suitors had pure intentions, but they didn’t. But for the first time people looked at the total package and liked it. That’s when I got my eating in line. When I realized that beauty wasn’t a number on a scale. It was in me. It was confidence. It was an attitude. It was knowing who you are and forgetting what society had to say.

And I am beautiful. And I wear a size 16. So screw you, American Standards of Beauty. You’re not real anyway.

 

Mirra April 6, 2008

This is my pretty face.

picture courtesy of Dana Michelle photography